We belong together
We belong together as I am still in love with my first love after 20 years. We belong together because we are meant for each other. What a typical day seem like? Imagine she calls you after 20 years and that adulating voice smacks your ears. Still angry at things, the usual girl. But there is love in her anguish still. I can feel it but bound to this world, she can’t say a word. But I was stagnant for a while didn’t know what to say, what words to engage, and where to initiate the dialogue. But she made me happy, more radiant than ever for just hearing her voice. Was it just a voice ? or lying there tons of complaints and agonies tending to pop and cry out loud? She didn’t whisper this time; she grudged like a cougar. Though it didn’t last that long, I asked her, ” Hey calm down dove, I am hearing you after so long say something adulating, forget the past.”
But there is so much more to the imaginations twisting the mood whenever you recall them. The human curiosity is always obligated to the satire fractions of part of the heart that perceives love. We ponder in gratitude for what we have accomplished and feel sorry for losing ourselves living angry at things that didn’t go as planned. There are always two sides of a story, or perhaps the information is still deemed to be having adequate proof of both partners to receive the outcome of love. Either way, discussing the past is painful. The real reason behind this is the remorse for things we could not get: the memories we shared or the emotions we exchanged.
When we lose something, we blame others as culprits. It is human psychology. We never think about our flaws, the things we lack in a relationship, or holes in our personality. Unless we don’t discover ourselves, we cannot go on a journey to explore love. The ideology behind every love story is always twisted like a piece of paper. You cannot bring it back to its original state as the paper crumbles, no matter what you do.
Similarly, you cannot turn around time; you cannot manipulate the outcomes of your activities and engagements towards a relationship. Guilt and regret can add more flare to an existing complex in love. It can create waves of negative energy or drive you crazy. Then the anguish hits the shady corners of your brain, provoking you to blame others for everything. But in reality, you are liable for what occurs to you. You are the only person who can transform your circumstances. You may receive what you invest. It is entirely impossible that if you provide this universe positivity and it gives you back negativity. We are always responsible for our failures; we must accept our flaws, we must trust others as who they are and not how we want them to be.
Imagine she asks you, ” What if you had me who I would be for you.” Assume the agony behind the question when your perception as a lover for her is doomed years ago. She apprehends you love her, but she’s hurt in ways she could not imagine. Perhaps I was not that evil how she sketches it, but you acknowledge what you receive, not how someone ensures it. There are numerous perceptions which are not exposed to others no matter how precisely you plan a journey. People don’t consider what your heart is; they can only appreciate what they collect from you. To answer her question, I have to tell her that I accept my flaws and apologize.
But it is not always easy for the other person to believe you. She does not know how I have been evolved or battled my soul to shift my personality from one state to another. It may be hard for her to recognize how I have suffered in my life without her. How hard it was to cry for years, to breathe without her, and to live a life that did not carry her.
But I don’t blame her for me being madly in love in a way she could not handle. She was sophisticated and sensitive, and I was passionate and aggressive. She was more sensible and passive, but I was wild and electric. I remember she always counseling me, imploring me to go slow down. But I was deranged as you can dream and agile as a speeding truck. She did her best to linger as long as she could, believing that I could master how to control my nerves and act naturally one day.
How it started
I don’t remember how it started, but I know it very well did. This feeling is unique in every perspective, and once you are engaged in it, there is no way out. It is fire but not just regular fire and it cuts more in-depth than a sword and burns more ferocious than lava. It consumes you as a whole, chews your heart, and pulls out all your tastes and desires. You cannot cheat it like you cannot cheat life. Love prevails in every nerve you got, finds its way to the deepest of your emotions. It runs wild in your heart and turns mountains into dust. We belong together as I am still in love with my first love after 20 years. We belong together because we are meant for each other.
When I saw her the first time
When I saw her the first time, I knew she was the one. I didn’t have to think twice. It was spontaneous, without any ambiguity. I still remember the look on her face; she didn’t tremble either. The more I plunged in, the more I cherished her. Love began flooding in my veins. It ripped open my heart and swallowed its blood. It sucked out all the life in my body. All I remember was her, all I absorb was her, and all I breathe was her. She was the joy and sorrow; she was my today and tomorrow. Nothing in the world could please more than her smile, primarily when used to bite her lower lip with her teeth. It was more romantic than the romance itself. She clutched my soul in a way that I could not detach it ever. The bond was natural and so was forever. I was dominant in any way possible, holding every door and pervading all the space.
Yet it was too much for her to assimilate and to adapt. She might not be an LEO like me and was a demure but a romantic soul. She said Yes to my madness, not knowing what she was diving into, and honestly, neither did I. I was about to explore my spirits, and I was delighted she was beside me. We both were teenagers at that point, but I was more eager than her, passionate than her, and more stubborn than her. She was more sensible than me, smarter than me, and much more beautiful than any existing soul on this planet. We belong together as I am still in love with my first love after 20 years. We belong together because we are meant for each other.
© Rana M 24 October 2020 All rights reserved
to be continued………………..